To move forward, I will step back a bit and repeat a Facebook post of mine, written late last year:
Focus is already shifting past this month’s holidays to the next. Articles about the New Year abound. Resolutions almost never work for me; however, 2017 fills me with dread, hope, pain and sanguinity. I want the most wonderful man no longer of this world back in this world. I want his love, touch, counsel, humor, kindness — I want it all.
The journey of grief is unique to everyone. I work hard to “fake it ’til I make it” but that comes at a personal cost. To act socially appropriate exhausts me, and thus, in turn, I need a large measure of solitude and silence.
I am making one 2017 resolution to stay longer in the present, and another to realize over how little I have any control.
In the here and now, my world has expanded. My husband Rick’s family is warmly embracing; I am grateful for the love between his daughters and me. Scattered cousins shower their affection. Friends are kind and thoughtful.
Control? Ha! I am responsible for my decisions and behavior, but I cannot control how others respond. There’s no controlling the future — all I can do is walk on, picking my way over and around life’s challenges.