Let’s face it, I’m not the most coordinated person around.  I never have been; here are two quick examples.  When I took up skiing my mother, bless her heart, told me she was amazed I could manage to stand on two skis and not fall over, considering my past athletic attempts.  And the first time I was on a road bike I fell across a railroad track, landing on a rail with my right hip.  When I got back on the bike to continue cycling, Rick said, “You’re really brave for a wo . . . .”  He swallowed the second syllable when he saw my stony face.  My current right hip pain probably originated with that spill a few decades ago.

This week I came home from dragon boat practice and prepared to bicycle the next day.  While toting my bike rack to the car, I dropped it on my big toe.  Now I can’t bicycle for a few days and have to skip a dragon boat practice to keep my wound open to the air and dry.  I wish there was someone — other than the one who stares back at me in my mirror — on whom I could blame this latest accident!

That’s the thing.  I have been exploring with my therapist the emotional ups and downs I’ve had since losing my husband.  I need to stop looking outside of myself for validation and activity.  Of course I do appreciate the support of my friends and family, but it really is up to me, and just me, to get my act together — to develop a routine for taking care of myself and the house, and to find new opportunities for personal growth and stimulation.

Last summer my life as I knew it ended.  I wrote out cards for all the new experiences I could try in my new chapter of life as I wanted to know there would be some good things ahead for me.  Being the project-oriented person that I am, I blew through almost everything I wrote down within months.  Some didn’t work out (such as pickle ball – see first two paragraphs above); others have become part of my routine (mahjong and dragon boat racing).  I think the only card left says “dog” and someday a canine will join my household again, but not now.

It’s time to write out more cards to help balance this new life.