Let’s face it, I’m not the most coordinated person around. I never have been; here are two quick examples. When I took up skiing my mother, bless her heart, told me she was amazed I could manage to stand on two skis and not fall over, considering my past athletic attempts. And the first time I was on a road bike I fell across a railroad track, landing on a rail with my right hip. When I got back on the bike to continue cycling, Rick said, “You’re really brave for a wo . . . .” He swallowed the second syllable when he saw my stony face. My current right hip pain probably originated with that spill a few decades ago.
This week I came home from dragon boat practice and prepared to bicycle the next day. While toting my bike rack to the car, I dropped it on my big toe. Now I can’t bicycle for a few days and have to skip a dragon boat practice to keep my wound open to the air and dry. I wish there was someone — other than the one who stares back at me in my mirror — on whom I could blame this latest accident!
That’s the thing. I have been exploring with my therapist the emotional ups and downs I’ve had since losing my husband. I need to stop looking outside of myself for validation and activity. Of course I do appreciate the support of my friends and family, but it really is up to me, and just me, to get my act together — to develop a routine for taking care of myself and the house, and to find new opportunities for personal growth and stimulation.
Last summer my life as I knew it ended. I wrote out cards for all the new experiences I could try in my new chapter of life as I wanted to know there would be some good things ahead for me. Being the project-oriented person that I am, I blew through almost everything I wrote down within months. Some didn’t work out (such as pickle ball – see first two paragraphs above); others have become part of my routine (mahjong and dragon boat racing). I think the only card left says “dog” and someday a canine will join my household again, but not now.
It’s time to write out more cards to help balance this new life.